I haven't in a long time. I tried to on Monday, planned to, but then I chickened out.Vicki talked instead. I don't know what about. doesn't matter, T never asks about me anyway. I know it's all my own fault. If I didn't hide or erase myself maybe she'd remember me.
Ever feel like you are on IGNORE and everyone ignores you?? It's worse than invisable. At least invisible, they don't see you. Ignore, they see you but act like you don't exist. And it's hard with insiders acting like that.
But it is my fault. I know that.
I would like to change it, but it is very scary to even try. It's like not talking for a long time and then trying to talk again.
I'm afraid that if I try and talk to T nothing will come out. I'll just sit there and then I will fade away.
Do you think that if I write her a note and tell her I want to talk but can't, and maybe she can help. But I'm afraid I'll get scared and go away.
We have an apt. tomorrow night.