Your story sounds familiar in many ways. I relate to feeling different, and less than others, and seeking help through relationships and not finding what I needed, and turning anger inward, .... Some of my story would not be the same as yours, but there will be others who relate to those parts.

Try not to let all the diagnoses get to you. All they are is descriptions of your symptoms and the patterns that have been going on in your life. Those patterns and symptoms make sense given the life that you have experienced and your needs and what you didn't have at those critical times. Your task, and your treatment now, is to understand those needs and get them met as far as possible in the present so that you can move forward and change the patterns. It is a lot of work, and sometimes it might seem like it is too much. But you have made it this far, and you can move beyond all of that if you are willing.