Its an addiction, and I don't want to stop. I really don't... not after all the effort it took to quit last time. Its too much. I just spent the past 10 minutes mopping up blood from my tummy and thighs; sticky, red, satisfying blood.

I shouldn't be doing this. I should stop. I just don't want to... its one of the few things that makes everything feel real again. And I can finally breathe.