Sorry you are having a rough time. Glad you found something that is helpful. Do take advantage of the suicide resources here and try to take things just a day at a time when you are feeling so low. That's what I did when I was as low as you seem to be now, and it got me through it without the groups that you have. And I'm so glad I did--I think you will be too. Recovery is possible after upbringing in a dysfunctional family. I have one too--and, as an older person now, I've learned to enjoy each one for their good points and can overlook the rest. Sending you a hug to help you through this rough time--but DO believe that life will get much better and easier too.