I could tell that the handwriting on the envelope was my mother's handwriting. I heard myself going "Oh god oh god" a few times then managed to slow myself down and think more clearly. Told myself supportive peaceful things.

She cut off all contact with me and my son back in 1984. At first I tried to communicate with her, suggested therapy for us both etc., eventually while in therapy myself realized that it was good that she was gone.

So this is the first contact in all this time from my very abusive mom. No letter inside the mailed envelope, just four black and white photos of me as child.

Yuck. I felt calm afterwards yesterday, slept okay, now this evening things are hitting me. So I'm looking through the Grounding Techniques article again and applying some.

I am safe, here now. If actual danger came to my door, if my mother shows up at my door, I don't have to answer it. I can call the police for help if I want to.

I can breathe and relax my shoulders. The hot bath I just took felt good, helps me feel contained and relaxed. If need be I have resources to turn to, I can call the crisis line, I also could start up therapy again.

I have a favorite rock to hold. I can do a safe place visualization before I go to sleep. I have a distracting book I can read. I'm going to use the visual of a Stop sign if thoughts and images get intrusive.

All my emotions are okay, including the fact that I feel angry. And writing all this down here helps too.