Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
(((((((((((peaches)))))))))))
My T takes a LOT - I mean A LOT - of breaks (although he hasn't recently...but I know they're coming this spring/summer). It really IS hard.
Our biggest rupture occurred around his breaks. I just kept pulling away and pulling away. It was hard to hold onto the connection, and t would SAY the connection was the same, but it didn't FEEL the same.
I'm aware of it now, and I really try not to pull away anymore. I do try to trust that everything is the same, because I know it IS. And I guess I do try to use a lot of different coping skills - reaching out to other people, reaching out on PC, staying busy, getting outside, writing long e-mails to T that I don't send, leaving a message for T if I need to just to tell him what's going on.
I SO understand needing the words of reassurance from T, though. Do you think that if you state clearly what you need, she will give it to you? Sometimes I have to practically give my T a script, but it's okay. I know he will only say things that are honest, and he will give me whatever I need, as long as I am clear about it.
I wonder if you can schedule some extra sessions the weeks before and after break? T and I usually try to do an extra session either before or after (or both) and it really helps.
I'm sorry it's so hard. 
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Hi Treehouse,
Like you, i used to pull away from my t whenever we had a rupture or she left town and i had to miss sessions. i didn't have any other way to cope then to numb out so i didn't miss her. over time, i've learned not to do that, i've learned to try to stay connected despite the problem/rupture that is happening. usually, it works out, my t shows concern about how i'm feeling and we talk it over and it's resolved.
But this time, it feels like I have told her very clearly how i feel and what i need, and instead of showing compassion and acknowledging the problem, she's dismissing my feelings about feeling disconnected and losing support, and just handing me a short clipped answer indicating that i just need to use my coping skills more. She told me recently she was busy and couldn't reply to everything i said in my messages. So i get the feeling that she's just tired of hearing what must sound like "the same old thing." So now she's going to reply with "the same old thing" also.
If i felt like she was truly hearing what i have to say in my heart, and she was responding to it by taking enough time to understand what i need, and then provide it, i probably wouldn't be saying the same thing over and over in emails, would I?