I'm thinking about not emailing her anymore.

this thing right now makes me feel like i don't have any pride.

like i am begging for her to care about it and/or show it.

if i have to beg for what i need, i can't feel good even if i get it. By then it feels forced, like i made them give it to me.

starting today, i'm going to try to way reduce what i expect from or want from t. It's better not to want -- need -- or expect than to need something and not get it. . .or get it after you forced it.

you know, in therapy we've been talking about the past in my childhood when i needed my mom and she wasn't there for me, or when i feared that she had died. My t shouldn't be surprised that between the missed sessions, and what we're working on in therapy, that i might be having abandonment triggers. why can't she acknowledge that? why does she have to become the clinical instructor rather than the feeling therapist?