I think a lot of our understanding is perception, yes, very personal! But perceptions can change with more knowledge/understanding. What we perceived as children, we can think of many examples of how the perception wasn't correct because we had not developed enough to understand well. My first memory, from when I was two, is of being lost and my father rescuing me. However, I got lost in the first place because I was too young to understand about corners and things out of my view; the bridge over the creek was on the stretch of the creek that had taken a 90 degree turn so I could not see it. Reminds one a little of babies who think when they cover their eyes and can't see you, that you can't see them; that is their perception of the moment. So, childhood is very fraught with situations where our perception isn't, even can't be, right.

A friendly pat on the shoulder by a larger kid can be perceived as bullying; look at the gangster movies and how many scenes there are with the bad guy coming up behind someone and tapping them on the shoulder? We can understand what is happening as adults, are often better able to tell the good guys from the bad but if, as a child, there was a bully, then all future taps on the shoulder are going to be mini-triggers/post traumatic stress and time passes and you forget the first instance and what do you have? Fear of people behind you and/or friendly pats on the shoulder!

As adults we work jobs, raise families, etc. and life can be stressful if one doesn't have enough time or money or relationships are sour, etc. and one can take it out on another. If it is another adult snapping at us we think, "what the heck is wrong with her?" but if you are a child and your parent snaps at you, you may end up angry, frustrated and afraid because a child is kind of stuck in a family, has no money, car, experience or outlet other than family and maybe school. If one doesn't want angry parents, they take the frustration out at school, pretty much their only other outlet. The big kids who tap the little kids on the shoulder unpleasantly rarely have nice, safe, comfortable home lives?

It's extremely complicated and we can't untangle all the triggers and problems we had as kids and figure out which ones we perceived wrong and which ones we perceived correctly but were powerless to do anything about and what the ramifications of that were to us but the whole therapy talk about some of the situations gets us understanding that we are adults now and do have choices, that things have changed, just by our getting older and having more experiences. A six year old's first summer after starting school is a long period of time because they only consciously remember a couple of summers before but my summers, at age 60 fly by because I have had so many more. It's 3 months out of 700+ rather than 3 out of 36 or so. The perspective has changed and now we're able to adjust our thinking too.

Remember when you went back to visit an elementary school classroom as an adult and how tiny the seats seemed but they didn't seem that small when you were in them as a child? But your "memory" is actually as them as a child, because that is when they were your seats. Because it's a physical thing, not too emotionally attached, you can adjust your thinking so you "know" they are small but when you feel things and have emotional experiences and interactions with others, adults and other children as a child, being an adult without that other person literally there and similar situation makes it harder to adjust your thinking; that's why there's therapy and the therapist "standing in" for your perception of the other and how you have to work out the transference, going back and forth between what the child you remembers versus what the happening now, adult you can see and understand. Eventually, you learn the "knack"/tools for seeing better and travelling between the two worlds so you don't need the therapist anymore.