Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina
Self-sabotage is one of my worst traits. Whenever things start to go really GOOD in my life, I F it all up again. It's like I won't allow myself to be happy.
I lost 50 pounds in 2010, but I've been stalled since October. Plateau. And it's not a physical plateau....I've given up. I'm fully expecting I might gain it all back, maybe 100. I'm incapable of getting to a healthy weight.
I can't stay at a job for more than 2 years. I get bored, feel like my skills aren't being used, and then I do something to screw it all up. I've only been fired once, but I've had to quit because I made things too uncomfortable. And right this moment, I'm on the internet at work. They monitor it. I could get fired. It's like I don't give a crap.
We get really good at paying off our debt, saving up money, and then I go and call in sick to work (unpaid) or spend a lot of money, and mess it all up again.
I just started DBT but it's going slow. I guess I'm inpatient. I've been in therapy for 3 long years, but never done DBT.
Any of you been able to stop your self-sabotage? How?
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Dear Martina,
I am 58 years old and I understand exactly what you are saying. I have been sabotaging so many things in my life. I have been married 5 times and finally found someone who understands me and makes me feel good and helps me to understand myself. I have him all my cards for clothing accounts and it has helped tremendously. I like to spend but it does not fill an emptiness inside.
I never lost a job because I am a very competent worker and being as Estate Agent gives me the chance to use my impatience to an advantage. I speak well but know when not to let go of a prospective buyer and will make sure I find them a property, either to purchase or to lease. I used to work for large companies in the same field since 1978 and 3 years ago I decided to work for myself and I answer to myself. When I am frustrated, I put on soothing music and am learning to control many things that I do. I actually for the first time in my life am taking responsibility for what I say to people which may hurt them (though I do not intentionally want to hurt them), and I am really looking at myself. I know I will never get better, but controlling myself is a huge step. I will end off, but I do have so much to say.
I wish you well, and I would possibly suggest you look at the positive side of life ( I am only finding that out now). It is worth a try.
Kind regards
Moanie
