I don't know how to sum it up, but reading you in this months I assure you look anything but an idiot.

You are exposing yourself just to get better... that's not a disfunction. That's smart from my point of view. That's courageous. You are choosing to do something instead of staying where you were. Don't know if I'm explaining myself clear, but I think you (we) are doing the right thing!

For the emotional turmoil... you are right, that's powerful, difficult and you (we) don't know if it'll pay. Unfortunately we have to accept it. But again, that's for our good that we are doing this.

Really, maybe it's more the venting of the moment, but I don't think you should be pissed at yourself .