(((((((((((suratji)))))))))))

It is SO okay to be angry. Before I started therapy, I was really never angry, although I had things to be angry about. It just felt like...what's the point? I felt like anger was scary.

T told me over and over early in therapy that it is okay to be angry at him, even though I wasn't the tiniest bit angry. He told me so much it almost MADE me angry to hear it over and over again!

But you know what? Eventually, I did start to get angry, and it was all aimed directly at T. He didn't do anything, but I was MAD. I would stand in the shower and suddenly say out loud "I HATE T". It was confusing. It was like there was all of this old anger and no place to put it and the only thing I knew to do with it was to aim it directly at T...because he was safe, and able to handle it, and I must have known on some unconscious level it would be okay.

And it WAS okay. T was okay with it, I learned to be okay with it, and slowly, slowly over time I was able to direct the anger where it really belonged.

I think that sometimes fear leads to anger as well. It is scary to put trust in someone, and to expose ourselves to them.

It's all a process of learning and growing and changing. However you feel is RIGHT, right at this moment.

You are *not* an idiot. You're working hard and being very brave.