Yea so, the last few days have been filled with some hypomania, and or mixed episode goodness. Last night seems to be the top of it all. I went for a 3.8 mile walk down a bike path, in the middle of a rain storm, next to a major highway. i was laughing randomly throughout. i started to notice the subtle greens, and browns of the trees and bushes. the lights from the cars amplified this feeling of the world was so beautiful. this was around 8 or 9pm. well past dark. the sky was so full of awesome colours of gray and brown and white of the passing storm clouds.

well, i was also hugely euphoric. i mean holy moly euphoria! i love euphoria. it's like being so drunk you cant walk or stand right. but this euphoria is like the feeling of vivid fluidsy without the cost of drunkness. i started to wonder what it would be to be hit by one of the many passing cars or trucks. i started to think about what my obliturary would read like. i wondered what my suicide note would read. but of course i wouldn't have had time to write one. i started to get really angry at all the people who shunned and treated me like dirt. then it passed and it was back to euphoria, and watching all the cars pass. i was rather grandiose during this time, and starting to think about how awesome and how indestructible i am. at some point, i started to laugh at how absurd i was thinking, and turned back home.

was still thinking about wanting to throw my self in front of a truck to see what would happen. D:

yea. now i think about it, it was pretty scary. but it wasn't at the time.

T thinks i was really too dangerously close to being psychotic, and losing touch with reality. i dunno about that... but, eh, second opinions?

(I've had a bad mixed episode since the last time i was here. i was literally laughing while crying.... it was intense.)