Well, historically i become suicidal only when i'm depressed and when i feel so much mental anguish, it starts to become something that makes sense to alleviate the pain. i've never been suicidal when high, or mixed. which is why i am kinda scared by it. :/

the urges weren't that strong though; i've had stronger ones, and walked away fine. it was thoughts of what would happen if___. but the manic side of it kinda says that if i had gotten more curious about it, i might have done it. obviously a delusion thinking i would/could survive.

*****. D:

//Edit// It's actually NOT over. I am raging. I am so so so so VERY ANGRY. i want to rage the heck out of someone i know. i want to sit in a corner and cry my heart away. someone pass me something to quiet this dissonance in my head.