I think you should talk to a therapist. It'll help you deal with frustration and deal with behaviors you want to change. You should remember, though, that you're not a bad person because you make mistakes, even sometimes hurtful ones. I'm sure most of us have done that (I certainly have). I believe it comes from what we learned from someone while we were young, be it parents, relatives, or other adults or teens in our lives.

I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but I believe he's right when he says, "It takes a thousand 'Atta-boys' to erase one 'You're stupid.'" Or he says something like that. Hurtful words seem to have more impact.

I wanted to go to school, too, but found I couldn't afford it. It was a real disappointment to me, not to mention frustrating, because I felt it was a big step to changing my life. From what you say in your post, I don't think you're controlling him, just giving him practical information. However, he might look into possible scholarships to help pay for college, and maybe then you could afford it after all.

I get his feeling of feeling controlled, whether or not it's based on a legitimate occurrence. Sometimes, when you feel like you have no control, and circumstances determine you have to make a choice you don't want to, it can feel like you're being controlled. Sometimes you blame the wrong cause of that control, though. Again, perhaps you can help your husband try to find ways to afford college, or earn money towards it. Call the school(s) he's interested in attending, and ask for advice from the financial aid office. They might have resources you can use.

Try to be aware when you're lecturing him. I hate it when people lecture me. I have behaviors I tend towards that put some people off, and those which I don't like about myself, too, I try to learn to be aware of when I'm about to do it, or even in the middle of doing it, so I can stop myself. Each thing you do to improve yourself takes time, and don't beat yourself up because you mistakes along the way, or slip back into behaviors. That's part of the process. It'll get easier. Behaviors are rarely changed instantly.

I like to spend. I should spend less, but I'm better than I used to be. I would recommend seeing a physician about the migraines. There are treatment options that might help.