thank you, WOWY. Yes, I'm so, so grateful for having my T for a year so far. I never thought I'd see another T after my last one, so finding her is such a special gift. Which of course is why I wouldn't want to lose her. But if she did die, I have pages of emails and a visualization tape that she made for me. I would never forget her! I know it's tied in with my mother, whom I never completely grieved for, also. I have all of my memories too, but it still feels like I'm pre-grieving. My T has always said death is an important subject to talk about, but I haven't felt safe enough until now.