Thank you, everyone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
You talked about what you needed to talk about and you were not punished for being honest :-)
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My reluctance to talk about the laptop was not based on worry about being punished. At least I don't think it was! That is an interesting perspective. I think I was more concerned with the irrational worry that sharing with T this idea of equating my H with him might subtly harm our relationship. And there were the "I should be past all this marriage stuff" thoughts too. Perhaps part of that, besides the self recrimination (and embarrassment I am not as far along as I think I "should" be), is some worry that T might think less of me for admitting this?
What you said about punishment, though, WePow, reminds me of a different interaction in our session. I was feeling kind of irritable when I arrived at the session--I've been really stressed out lately and was just not in a good mood. I told T that because of feeling that way I had not wanted to come. He was amused and said most people think it is OK to not be in a good mood when they visit their therapist! So he said it was OK to be that way, and that he still holds in mind the sunny who is not that way, so not to worry.
I was reassured by this and we proceeded. That interaction makes me wonder if I was worried that he would "punish" me for being in a pissy mood. I don't know. If that's true, it annoys me, because it is another dynamic from my marriage. I don't want to be bringing dynamics from a bad marriage into my relationship with T. I hated how my marriage was and what I had become in it. I don't want to be that way with other people. I was never sure why my H was often angry or dissatisfied with me. I tried to be "acceptable" and "unobjectionable" to him (not in a bad mood?), but still he just always seemed angry and withdrawn. I never figured out how to behave to have him like me.
I don't want to worry that way about other people. I am at heart a good person and want to be confident of that and not worry that people are judging me or punishing me or whatever. It's just super annoying that I bring bad habits from the marriage forward into my life now.