sundog, thanks for replying. I have to say, it sounds like you and I are very similar when it comes to this disorder and while I feel bad that you go through this too, it's strangely comforting to meet someone in the same boat.

It sounds like what I'm currently doing is my only real option. Like you I get up right away and start my routine instead of staying in bed, I tell myself the feelings will subside, I try not to add fuel to the fire by focusing on the anxiety or thinking about big issues in my life, and basically I try to ride it out. I also pop a Lorazapam once I've eaten something (I've had too many occasions where I've taken it right away and threw up the pill, at which point I'm too paranoid to take another one). I guess some part of me was hoping there was some other magic thing I could try.

I wish I didn't have so many external stressors right now but I am working with a therapist on mindfulness (we haven't worked on meditation yet). It is hard and so far I'm terrible at it. I try to stay in the moment but every few seconds I snap away to whatever is worrying me and it just becomes exhausting to constantly refocus.

I never feel good anymore but the relief I do get comes when I'm so insanely busy at work that mindfulness happens out of immediate necessity. The anxiety is still there but it's refocused on the job so I don't get lost in my head. Sometimes in the evening my kids are an equally distracting and immediate concern. So yeah, it helps, but just running myself ragged to avoid feeling anxiety doesn't seem like much of a life.

Which of course brings up my other issue, the depression that's always behind the anxiety. I don't feel happy and have lost interest in virtually everything so finding things that bring me relief is hard. I don't seem to want anything, look forward to anything, desire to do anything, so when there is down time I often feel worse.

Never worry about a long reply sundog as I'm prone to them too.

Cyran0