Today when I went to walk my dog it was cold and windy and, as usual when it's cold like that, my eyes started watering. After I got home though, I felt sad, even though I knew I wasn't crying, my eyes were just watering.

I've been on meds for two months now and see my shrink this Monday for a follow-up. Most days I feel LOTS better and some days I actually feel happy, but I also feel like something is still off. I have bad days like this when I just don't want to move and feel like I'm not going to be good at anything I try.

I've had a hard time getting back into things I used to enjoy, and this week I heard back from a very high pressure job I applied for and I freaked out and did not respond. The job I have is part-time retail and it took me a long time to get used to it. I just don't feel like I can handle starting over again, especially if it's fast-paced and lots of pressure--but I also feel guilty about that and other people seem to think I'm an idiot for not scrabbling to get picked for this harder job.

I was in the hospital in January for 8 days and honestly I feel like I've not gotten my sea legs back--like I've been in denial for a long time about my depression so that other people won't be upset, and now it's kind of obvious that I'm sicker than I thought and I'm kind of in shock or something. That's how it feels--like, shocky and kind of frozen. Like I'm afraid to do anything--just paralyzed or something.

Should I tell the doc this? I'm already on four meds. I don't want to be on a bunch more.

I just feel like all my confidence has drained away.