Pardon me for posting MORE when taking a break! SO much has been coming up for me (mostly positive!) and it helps me to write it down and think about it and share it. Feel free to pass on by if "Tree's Break" gets a little old

I was thinking about the fact that I'm not calling/e-mailing T during my break (other than maybe a "are you there" once a week), and about how that feels. T has always let me call or e-mail as much as I need to, and he's been this really consistent presence in the background of my days, probably MORE so since I've felt more securely attached. It's been super comfortable to leave him voice mails about what's going on with me, or to send an e-mail or whatever. And he has always replied with a message or an e-mail or a phone call when I've asked. I worried for a long time that it was too much, but after he reassured me about a million times, I just decided to believe him and let myself need him as much as I needed him.

Today, I realized that T never ever would have pushed me out of the nest (and he never ever did)...that he was (and is) comfortable with me needing as much as I needed him...and that he totally trusted me to start to need him less when I was ready. He trusted me ! He definitely trusted me more than I trust me (although his trusting me has taught me to start to trust myself, for sure).

So *I* got to decide when to reduce phone calls, e-mails, sessions, whatever. I don't think he worried about it at all (although I did - I thought I would need him the same amount forever and ever). And here I am, and it's okay.

It reminds me of how I've parented my youngest son. I decided when he was a baby to let him do things 100% at his own pace, and sure enough, when he was ready, he stopped nursing, learned to use the potty, learned to read, etc. I just supported him and loved him and gave him the boundaries and care and attachment that he needed, and when he was ready, he took the next developmental step. He is a very secure, potty trained, non-nursing, reading 8 year old now I trusted him and here he is, the person he is supposed to be.

It means a lot to me that T trusted me and believed in me and I was able to come to this point totally on my own, in my own time. Maybe THAT is one of the lessons of the break...that I can be trusted, by T and by me.

Wow.