TRIG WARNING - CSA item.

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Well, my mom called me tonight to tell me they found out that an old family "friend" died. She was so shocked because his daughter told people that her father abused her and he was a drunk and such. My mother kept saying how awful it was and asking me if I remembered staying over at their house and all that. UGGGGS! Yes! But I can't tell her what all happened! The answer is yes. But did she even ask me? No. Of course not.

Tonight I wrote my T - he is out of town and won't reply, and that is fine. I know this. But I had to emotionally curl up with my T. I was so glad to know he IS here with me - even when he isn't here. Just the fact that I know if I were telling him about this that he would look deep into my eyes and feel my heart with his heart. That he does care and it is not just about the money. He does care

I am thankful that I have this ability to just rest knowing he holds that space for me. I wish it would have been my mom who could have done this, but she is not strong enough to even ask the hard questions. She can't know how dad traded me to this man that day at the park when I was only 6 yrs old for his daughter who was 10 at the time. I hurt because of this. But I have my T with me in my heart and he is here helping even though he is not here.