today was my birthday, and while it wasn't the happiest day of my life, it was better than most of my birthdays have been. I am mindful of the fact that my worst days are nearly perfect compared to my best days a couple of years ago.

I did contact an agency to help me pay my rent, and talked to my landlord. The reason I am behind on all my bills is because my ex hasn't paid child support, and yes he is court ordered to do so, and yes the state is now deducting it directly from his paycheck. So once the money actually finds its way to me, we should be fine. At least we will have a roof over our heads.

I talked to my T today, a couple of times. I texted with her several times throughout the day, and email too. Tonight I sent her a text saying "I need you to tell me you aren't pushing me away. I feel a little panicky. You're going to be there, right? I mean, just...if I need you?"
She wrote back and said: "I'm not pushing you away. I'm here."

It made me cry but it also gave me room to breathe. I took such a deep breath when I read that. I'm not alone. I think I'm going to be okay.