I meant to add.... before I went off in my own direction.... that I hope the EMDR is serving you well. It is good to know that whether it be the EMDR or visualization you are have some therapeutic successes. At the end of that day what ever can help to move you forward is all that really matters.

I also wanted to comment on the last part of your post. I just have to share my road to fashion design with you too. I went right from highschool to study fashion design, couture dressmaking mostly at a small private fashion institute an hours commute everyday into the city. I studied there for 2 years. I worked in the industry for a few years before I launched my own design business.

I graduated with honours and was given a scholarship to study anywhere I wanted to outside of Canada. I debated between the Fashion Institute of Technology in California and the Parson's School of Design in New York. Even though my real passion had been to do costume design for movies (I was a huge fan of Edith Head) I felt drawn to New York and the idea of designing for the theatre.

I travelled to New York for an interview at Parsons and they accepted me so it looked like I was on my way. As it happened when I returned home and announce the news to my mum, while she was supportive and wanted me to go, I knew in my heart that I couldn't leave her alone and neither my brother or sister were in a position to take my place. A couple of weeks went by and then I told my mum that something had gone wrong and for whatever reason the scholarship had been fallen through and it was left at that. I have never once regretting my decision but I often wonder where life might have taken me if I had made it to Parsons.

Sewing has always been in my blood but I was the first to pursue designing. My grandmother had her own dressmaking business in the small town where I grew up and my mother made all of my sister and my clothes all through elementary school. We were the fashion plates of the school. Every morning was like preparing for a fashion show. Our hair was done up (my mum was a trained hair dresser) and our clothes were trendy and eye catching. I used to spend hours at her side while she operated an old treadle machine just praying for the day when I could reach the pedels myself.

After her accident my auntie and a neighbour taught me to sew. Once I hit highschool I took every sewing class offered including a term of patternmaking and design in my final year. I designed all the costumes for the school play, placed third in a provincial high school design competition, made grad gowns for me and some of my friends and I received the textiles and design award at graduation.

My other grandmother was like a walking fashion plate out of the Victorian era. I remember spending hours in her attic looking, but never touching all the gorgeous dresses and hats. All the fine lace and silks, velvets and satins. I would sit at an old sewing machine while my brother and sister where exploring the other treasures hidden in the attic.

I can appreciate how the lack of confidence would hold you back. It is a difficult industry and you really need to be somewhat of an extravert and certainly be very resilient to criticism. I had some difficulty with some of that too and certainly my emotional problems over the years took their toll on my efforts. Too many times to mention rising and falling and having to start all over again and again until I shut it all down and took a different direction. When my mum passed I just seemed to loose my steam and even my passion for it anymore.

That sounds like an amazingly talented and creative family you come from. That must have been an interesting childhood creatively at least. Are they still active in the industry?

I have been experimenting with bags lately too. I have been playing around with textile design. I felt and knit and do alot of other textile treatments. I have collected a lot of thrift store clothes that I take apart and refurbish into something else. I imagine every now and then about selling them but it is hard to get enough money with one of a kinds. And it takes a lot of money to consider having them manufactured not to mention the marketing side of things which I have never been good at. I can write a good marketing plan but I don't like doing the work involved myself. I had a business manager and marketing agent at one time before I folded my business. I really wasn't ready at that time to take the plung into mass marketing.

Turning designing into a business again still is in the back of my mind but it seems pretty out there to consider anymore. I have been thinking seriously about making dog clothes. They are such a rage these days. Especially for the smaller dogs and especially here where we have so much rain. It is amazing how much people will pay for those things. I have made a couple 'coats' for my friend's bit bull and it go me thinking it might be something fast and easy to make that would turn a quick buck. Needless to say it didn't get past the thinking about it stage.

I would love to see the bags you are working on. I love tapestry fabrics. I have collected some vitage pieces but haven't yet figured out what to do with them. I would also love to get my hands on your fabric. Mind you I have cupboards and bins of my own stuffed to capacity with fabric already. lol. I don't think you should part with them. I give pieces away now and then but I think a part of me needs to keep the fabrics and my work space in tact for those occassions when I feel inspired to play in there. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. It is never too late to explore the possiblities. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

It has been fun discovering this similarity in our backgrounds. Who would have thunk it hey. lol