Thank you Erica for the support. I've been trying to learn about them, but there's still much for me to learn. I do in fact have a therapist, who does not believe i have BPD, but rather PTSD, depression/anxiety and whatever else i mentioned lol. She is mainly working on my past (abusive childhood) hoping that healing from that heals my issues now. I also see a psychologist 1X a week, who does believe i have BPD and with her i am working on DBT and borderline issues. It's like a full time job i think.

Thank you Evil Schnoodle. I actually have several books on mindfulness, mostly of buddhist orient, authors like Thich Nhat Han and the Dahli Lama, though i will look into the ones you recommended. My problem is in applying it -- it's hard and my attention wanders away on me and i get frustrated; start over, my mind wanders, i get frustrated.. eventually i give up or a mood swing will come and then i simply seem incapable of following mindfulness, as my feelings are then completely overwhelming.. i do understand it takes practice practice practice. I've just never been a patient type.

Fool Zero, thanks for the welcome. Your explanation does make sense to me, and when i am told i am being manipulative (or any of the other things) i used to brush it off, or get angry or whatever; but as of late, i have been stopping and going over the situation - generally once i am no longer in any severe emotion it may have caused - to see if they had a point or not. Some of the people who say these things have known me for a very long time, others not. I will also check out your link. For the record, i was hospitalized for about 4 months last summer, just got out in november. They did all kinds of psychological testing and such on me and that's where my 'labels' come from. Well, i was also dx'd at 15 yrs with PTSD and dissociation. And in my early 20s with depression/anxiety. The other testing they did in the hospital just kind of confirmed all that, and then the BPD was thrown in the last couple months. Who knows? I personally, at first, didn't think i qualified as BPD, argued, yes i have some traits, but not enough to be called borderline. Well in february i was back in the hospital because i started hallucinating and became paranoid.. they called it a 'transient psychotic break' .. apparently something that can happen to borderlines under extreme distress.. so i asked for more literature on BPD and ... suddenly, it occured to me that i very likely am a borderline. This different literature i was given just struck home more than the basic info i was given. I'm still struggling to accept it, but i like my psychologists point of view; So what? You have a problem, and i'm going to treat it as such. And together we're gonna kick it in the ***.'

Thanks everyone!