You know what, Fool Zero? I like you.
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It sounds to me as if there are some things you want and/or need to do -- set clear boundaries and renegotiate your arrangement with your ex, for instance. You also don't feel ready to do all this, for whatever reason. Just guessing here: you think the confrontation with your ex will trigger you more than letting him stay? (Let sleeping exes lie? ) He knows how to push your buttons so you'll regret saying anything? You'd like to prove you're the good guy here and he's taking advantage of you? Many more guesses available on request, fwiw
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Well, the clear boundaries were that he had until the 31st, that's IT. I was kind of hopeful, though, because he found a place to go at that time, and even spent several days there, so him coming back and deciding to stay here until that time disappointed me.
As a matter of fact, after i posted this i decided to talk to him. The conversation went something like, 'I am feeling very unmotivated and kind of down and anxious today, and watching you lay around all day triggers me and makes my feelings even stronger; is there any way you could go stay at the other place you were at?' He got very angry and said, 'no! First of all, only have money to get there, but the birthday party is tomorrow and i don't have money to get there if i use my bus fare now. You're just gonna have to suck it up for a few more days.'
Luckily for me, someone called right about then and asked him to help him out for a few hours doing some stuff, so while he's still 'staying here', at least it got him out of the house for a bit.
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If you were to tell your ex that you'd changed your mind, the arrangement wasn't working for you, and he needed to leave sooner than planned, do you expect that he'd call you manipulative and/or selfish? Would you call yourself that? Have enough other people called you that, so that you're taking this opportunity to prove you're not, you're not!, you're not!!  even if it kills you?
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Interesting. The selfish part, kind of, yes. Because it was ME who said the 31st, so to 'take it back' makes me feel guilty. The opportunity to prove i'm not? I'll think about that. Maybe that's underneath it all, though it never occured to me conciously.
Since he has refused to leave, i am not sure what will happen when he comes back from the outing he's on. I feel a bit angry about his resistance, and may just use this opportunity to get his help with some things done around the house so that at least SOMETHING productive is coming out his being here. Is that evil of me?
