Sorry, going to respond! You are not a freak, your dream is valid and important and good and there are others who have dreams like that too. You aren't alone in finding it hard to talk to T - I know I can say all sorts of words about things in general, but words about specific abuse I find hard hard hard to say and it is so halting for me to say them because it hurts to say them. It's hard to talk about painful things, and it has been a coping skill that helped you. It will just take some time, but you will be able to talk to T, I know you will because I believe you really do want to, I believe you want to heal and that you will!