You are not a freak Why are you judging what you want? What you want is what you want. It's an important part of you and it matters because you matter.

I too dream about being able to talk easily to T and to just be very spontaneous in therapy. To be more courageous and explore everything and anything and not judge myself and not have so much fear.

When I would focus on one smaller thing and don't think I have to bring everything to therapy all at once, I would do better and it helped get things going. Not so overwhelming.