First off, I feel like maybe you are beating yourself up a little too much. While sex may not be the main part of intimacy...it sure is a big part of it! Not only does it take away that outlet for you two to feel close, but it probably makes you feel less desirable and less wanted. And if your husband just doesn't care....that is probably very frustrating. Keep in mind - you haven't cheated, you have fantasized about it.

I don't really have any advice if you have already tried marriage counseling and didn't find it helpful. I'm sorry