Quote:
Originally Posted by seventyeight
one thing i wanted to mention: it's not a failure if you do have to call your therapist and go back on monday. i don't even know if that's how your thinking of it (success = staying on a break vs. failure = calling and going back), but i could see how it would be easy to get caught up in that.. especially since you're trying so hard to stay in the space you're in and to keep going with the plan you set forth.
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This is a good point, 78...I've thought about this quite a bit, actually. It's something I'm really trying to be aware of...not setting myself up by deciding going back would be a "failure".
Last summer, we tried to cut down from twice a week to once a week, and I was SO MISERABLE. It hurt a lot, and I cried all the time. I really, really, really wanted to see T. T kept saying that might get easier, but it never did get easier, and after a few weeks (at the most) we were back to twice a week. I just wasn't ready. So, I have the memory of what that felt like, and if I feel like that, I am SO going back.
I really really don't feel like that though. I miss knowing that I am going to see T, and I know I will miss him a LOT when my session times come and go...but I don't have that lost, desperate feeling that I had last summer. I have moments of sadness and even of "what have I done?!" (like this morning!), but they don't overwhelm me, and they pass by. So, I am trying to just pay attention to how I feel and I am trying to just let it be what it is, and so far, it's really okay.
Today was funny. I thought I had this big, empty day ahead of me, but plans totally changed, and I ended up at my son's baseball games from 2 - 8 (which is one of my favorite things in the world, so that was a happy surprise) and then my H wanted to eat out, so my son and I met my H and my other two sons for a really late dinner. We never ever go out to eat, so it was SO fun, to just spend time with my family, and to not have to cook. I love hanging out with my boys, and we had a really good time. So. Things are working out
It's like what I need is HERE, when I open up and notice it, and I am really making a point of opening up and noticing it. It's right here.
Thanks for what you said about my T thinking about me.
I know I am probably crossing his mind from time to time, and I KNOW he will wonder how I am doing. I usually call him almost every day and at least leave a short message. It actually makes it so clear how much power and control *I* have in the relationship. He really has no way of finding out how I'm doing, because of the boundaries....if we have contact, *I* will call him. So if he misses me, or is curious, or whatever, he has to wait until I reach out to him first. And, on the other hand, I can literally reach out to him at any time. I could send him an e-mail right now and he would respond. I don't really have any issues about "power" in therapy, but I know some people do, and I did at one point, and it's interesting to get this perspective.
