thanks for replying dexter. i have discussed it with my doctor and he said he could give me something to help and suggested i see someone to talk about it but i do not feel comfortable talking in person with strangers about my feelings. i used to consider myself a very strong person and now i just feel weak. i have tried taking wellbutrin but it didnt help me any so i stopped. i just feel like its one thing after another and i cant take much more. just fopr a little background, im a 35 year old woman, i have never posted or been on any forum before i was thinking this may help. 5 years ago i found out my husband was gay, well bi sexual. wich was a blow to my ego mostly but i tried to work it out with him. we eventually grew apart and he left. i had 2 childern and he left me in a financial mess. we had just bought a house. 2 weeks later my dog dies and a week after that my father suddely passed away. on top of all that i was having serious medical problems and was ill for 8 months. i had no insurance so my condition worsened rapidly for failing to get treatment. when my father died my family became a mess each retreating into their own little world, when i did ask them for help i was told "i can't" and i felt totally alone. i worked when i could but that was not often enough. i eventually had to go for emergency surgury wich turned in to a lengthy hospital stay my husband did not want to take the children but did ... i had no one else. after my surgery and recovery i was broke so i went back to work and got my children back. i lost my sitter and could not find another i could afford. because i owned a home i could not get assistance. we went without heat (besides the stove) for 4 months. i did my best to hold things together and finally asked my ex to take the kids while i got back on my feet. i worked double shifts for 4 months. only to be told he wasnt going to give them back. i was already so deeply immersed in my depression that i just gave up and kept working, hoping he would change his mind he became abusive whenever i would see him wich was only for visitation with my kids. so i stopped seeing them to save them from seeing that type of interaction between us. we have been seperated for 2 plus years now and now he wont even let me talk to them. in the meantime my mother has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure and small cell lung cancer. she was gravely ill but now i am staying with her in her home and caring for her instead of putting her in a nursing home. this has been the kicker for me. she is depressed as well after the death of my father she went downhill. they were married for 52 years. she isnt cureable but she is getting radiation and cheomotherapy. i feel like i have lost everything and am just existing day to day. i am getting divorced as well to make surei see my children and have some sort of role in their lives but i feel i just cant handle any more pressure. i am in financial and emotional ruin. thank you for reading my post i have never done anything like this before and i feel a little better just talking about it.
mystie