I haven't really told anyone about this, because it's really hard to talk about it. When I think about it, I have more anxiety. I feel very awful. I need to tell someone though.. To warn people, and to maybe get some help of my own. Maybe someone will have gone through this too...

I am still pretty young. I am an adult, but am a young adult. I've made a few bad decisions in my life, but not as many as most my age. I had a mother that walked out on me, and I had to grow up real early. I did that. I also said I wouldn't do any of the things I have seen other people do. Such as alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, that sort of thing. Well I failed in each case. I started smoking first. I did it for almost two years before I quit cold turkey. I've never really had an addictive personality, and quitting wasn't very difficult for me. I just told myself to stay away. I went back to it on occasion but never got to the point of smoking every day. I can now say I haven't picked up a cigarette in many months. The next thing I started was alcohol, and I still do that. I'm not an alcoholic in any way, but I do enjoy to drink. It's very rare. I have a job and I KNOW my responsibilities, and my work comes first. I also would never dare to drink and drive, or do it in public. I am a responsible person.

The last thing I failed at was drugs. I decided one day that I would smoke a joint of marijuana with a friend. It wasn't bad. Not the best feeling in the world, but not bad. I didn't enjoy it as much as a lot of people do, but continued to do it on occasion. Never did I feel real good but it was just something to do with friends. One day I did it with the wrong friend. He laced it, wouldn't tell me what was in it, and he was driving while smoking it. I felt like I was going to die. I got real hot. My body felt like it was floating, my heart raced. I started to black out. It was a bad trip and finally it was over. After about 45 minutes I felt alright. I was still high but I didn't feel like I was dying. I went to a better situation with a sober friend and we went and watched a movie, I was alright but I swore I would never do it again.

Well I lied to myself. This weekend after having a few beers I decided to try a legal brand. I was with my father who I hadn't seen in a while and so I felt comfortable. I wasn't thinking straight because of the alcohol and decided to try it. Worst mistake of my life. I immediately felt the same dreadful feeling I had felt before. I even told my Dad I felt like I was dying and we should call 911. I felt absolutely horrible, and after just two hits. My body got hot, my heart raced, I started shaking. I couldn't walk. I thought I was going to pass out. At times I started feeling like I was gone from this world, like this was my punishment and I had died. That nothing was real. It was horrible. I laid down under a blanket and the body heat I had turned into freezing cold. I started to feel real chilly. I began shaking uncontrollably. I thought I was having a seizure. I couldn't get warm even with a huge blanket over my whole body and cuddled up. I didn't know what to do other than wait it out. It started to subside after about two long hours. I started feeling better, and felt like I would be okay. I thought it was finally over... It wasn't.

The next day I took my siblings to the movies and to a store to pick out a toy. I hadn't seem them in a while and wanted to spend some time with them. A few times I had an episode of intense anxiety. I have anxiety disorder so it's not really uncommon, though I thought I had outgrown most of my anxiety and the episodes have been rare. That day wasn't anything too drastic though, other than when I drove myself home (which is an hour away) and it was very hard to concentrate on the road. I figured I was just tired. The next day I had to go to work. I had an intense anxiety attack. I started feeling like I was high all over. I couldn't see people straight, I got hot, I had the tingly feeling all over my face and body. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but the rest of the day I felt terrible. Same thing the next day, The THIRD day after the event. The spisodes got better the fourth day, and even better the fifth day, which was this Thursday. By Friday I felt almost completely normal, and today when I first woke up was the same thing. I slept too long today and had a bad migraine so I took some advil. I went over to my friend's house from work and talked with her and her husband. When I began to explain to them what happened this weekend I had another huge episode. The worst one yet. I started feeling high all over and it lasted for a while. I felt strange nearly the whole day.. I just don't know how this is happening. I know part of it is nerves, anxiety, paranoia, but it's still so rough.. It's the worst feeling you'll ever have in your life.

I just wanted to get my story out there. Today is a week since I did this. And I am still having side effects. I don't know what to do. I think I will be okay, but is this something that I have to live with the rest of my life? Or is this something life threatening? Could I have really done something that could kill me? I have so many mixed emotions and it's hard talking about this without having another episode but I need to tell someone.. To get some advice, some insight, maybe someone has went through this? Maybe I am not the only one? I also have been getting upset with people saying weed should be legalized. I used to say that too, until I actually did it. I now know that some people can not do this because they will have the same things happen I have. People need to realize that, and if there's anyone out there trying to make the decision of whether to try it or not please don't. It's for your own good. Some people do it and love it and some people have the effects I had.. And it's NOT fun.. It's a horrible feeling.

Thank you all for reading my story and any responses are appreciated..