I completely understand what you're going through, I have been there myself. I don't have much to offer than a kind friend you can have in me. If you don't want to call a hotline, send me a PM. We can just talk about things. It's always best to quickly get your mind off of the situation before you do anything rash and having someone there to talk to is a good start. Just please don't do anything that you'll regret, be careful and stay safe my friend.