i was really hoping just coming here and feeling accepted instead of being called a freak would help me put myself back together but obviously that didnt happen not sure what time but i dissociated for several hours before bedtime i got up half an hour ago and was gonna do some reading when i found an email to my therapist and it wasnt from me i had to stop reading because i became overwhelmed with a flood of emotions its like a part of me just cant shut the hell up im not ready to talk about or deal with certain things yet that doesnt seem to matter to this alter she is cruel and mean very uncaring and unkind to damn near everyone she has her own friends and will get confrontational with anyone male or female she sees everyone as a threat and doesnt trust even herself i believe altho im sure she would argue that she has her own name away from mine i dont like her and want her out of me but i know thats not even possible anyway she emails the therapist when she is in control i dont like that he has me email him in between sessions so he knows whats going on with me when not with him at times i dont even leave my house but a part of me loves outdoors and when i think i jave full tank of gas im setting on e not sure if im making sense but its getting to the point i hate to feel sleepy because if i close my eyes i may go away and someone else takes over and does things later i have to deal with im sure im not making sense and for that i apologize