thank you sun for reading my story. Life remembered can often reveal purposes that when in the heart of the moment seem to have no purpose but to cause pain and heartbreak. I know my strengths and my compassion for people in general is because of my life experiences up until today.

I am sorry you are feeling restless and agitated but glad you are not feeling anxious. I do understand what you mean about the subtle difference between the two.

I can totally relate to that feeling when you sleep late. Same if I nap in the middle of the day. I just feel off and it is hard to shake. I find that if I go to bed early, before that late night burst of energy clicks in that I don't experience the unsettled feelings. Perhaps because I will wake early instead of sleeping in late after a late night.

I was up late last night... 4am when I finally called it a night actually. The time just slipped away on me as it often does. Before I headed to bed I looked outside to see if there were any stars in the sky and I thought about why I like being up at those early hours. It is so much quieter outside so I am not constantly on guard for sudden noises coming from outside. And the ear ringing seems quieter too for some reason.

I used to feel anxious on days off especially when I had been consumed with a project, chasing a deadline and consequently putting in long hours with little time to take a break from either working or thinking about work. I think the fact that you feel at a loss without the work pressure and at a loss about how to spend your day off is a good indication of how much you actually may need the break.

I hope the day gets better and something catches your interest that will lift your spirits. All the shoulds can wait unless they can provide you with some level of satisfaction for making the effort. Otherwise it is just another form of work and the rest you need will be pushing down further.

I hope I don't sound preachy. I do know how difficult it is to be in touch enough with our needs to actually honour them with our choices. The nagging to meet certain invisible expectations seems to sometimes put a vail over our own interests. At least that is how I have come to understand my denial of self care.

I hope you were able to have a grounding meditation and I really hope you have a more relaxing and calming evening. Maybe some good old laugh therapy is in order. It helps me when I am just feeling blah but otherwise not overwhelmed by symptoms.