Mystie,
Wow, you have had more than your fair share of hard times recently it seems! I am so sorry you are going through all that - I can't imagine how difficult that would be.

Anti-depressants work differently for people - perhaps there is another one that will work for you. Keep trying until you find one that works. Also, I know it's difficult to talk with strangers about your feelings, but it really helps a lot! Remember, therapists have been trained to listen and are very understanding of people's apprehension to share their personal stories. It is a vulnerable feeling, yes, but just as you felt relieved after posting and "getting it out"...you would feel the same after talking with a therapist. There is nothing "weak" about asking for help (I only learned this a few years ago myself!) - it's actuallya sign of strength because you are taking steps to resolve things and to get better. Not everyone has the courage to do that!

I am sorry for the loss of your father. I'm sorry for all of your other losses as well (husband and children). That is an awful lot for the heart to handle. My heart goes out to you.

My thoughts are that you will benefit from medication once you find one that works. I believe you would also benefit from counseling as well. Perhaps posting here for a bit will get you more comfortable sharing your feelings and thoughts until you can get to see a therapist. I am pretty new here, but from what I've seen so far, these are some really wonderful people with great advice.

I hope things get better for you soon!
Survivor1