I've had five suicide attempts so far but the last one was more than a year ago and for a while I had started to believe that it was over; now the shadow of death has come back to torture me.

I don't even know why I want to kill myself. I guess I'm just tired of these ups and downs; tired of knowing nothing will last. This low mood will give its place to an unnatural happiness, then anger and anxiety and THEN it will come back and the cycle goes on forever.