I'm so very sorry you have been having such a hard time with your illness. I don't think it is your therapist's/pdoc's "fault"; everyone responds differently to different meds and med combinations and they all have potential, horrible side effects, it's often a toss up between feeling like you have "lost a year" and being 5150'd for the mania, neither being something anyone would want. Unfortunately, trial and error of what might work for an individual is about all they can do sometimes.