Quote:
Originally Posted by sanityseeker
I am glad my post served you well. I know what you mean Sun.... while I enjoy the quiet around me in the wee hours of the morning, waking up in those hours is not at all pleasant. It is stressful and upsetting. The quiet is the last thing on my mind while toss and turning and getting more and more anxious of how the sleeplessness is going to spoil my day. Of course then I am faced with negative thinking owning me and making sleep that much more difficult or even impossible.
I didn't manage to make it into the sewing room. My back was killing me. I should have known 4 hours straight in the garden was too much this early in the season. As it was I forced myself to stop thinking I would pay the price if I did anymore. Good think I guess or I would still be flat in bed this morning. It feels better this morning so hopeful I can put in a good session today. The dress is the priority but if my ex gets back before I at least get started on his shirt he is going to rag on me.
I need to quit giving him so much power over me but I can't seem to get there. He is talking about moving back here and being our roommate. The thought just triggers anxiety but I can't speak to it. I am such an accommodator. I always hold the needs of others above my own and more then anyone I do it with him. Just like I gave up my pdoc appointment to pick him up from the airport and just like driving at the worst time of day when the high anxiety of heavy traffic to pick him up on time. I just pray he will change his plans before the fall when he intends to move. I am such a wimp around him. It is so not my character to be this wimpy.
I was asleep by 11, thanks to the extra tylenals and awake by 5 but managed to nod off again until 7. For years I have never been to bed before midnight as often as I have the last couple of weeks. It feels so much better to be able to wake on my own before 8am or to actually sleep more then 3 to 5 hours a night. It is making a world of difference I think to my moods though still no effect on the level of anxiety I walk around with all day. Perhaps that is yet to come. Here is hoping.
I gotta ask sun.... its the former workaholic always on alert.... how many hours do you spend working a day? It seems like you put in a lot of hours at work.
It hope the meditation before bed was helpful in settling both the restlessness and mood. Wishing you a day touched by healing sunlight.
Blessings Sun.
|
I'm sorry your back was so painful yesterday after your hard work in the garden. I'm glad it's better today and that you had a good sleep. I agree that going to bed before midnight and getting up earlier feels really good. I just find it so hard to do!!!
Gosh, I'm really sorry to hear that your ex has mentioned he wants to move back in with you and become your roommate. I can't even imagine how stressful that would be. I mean, even if you still get on well, he's still your ex and I would think that would add too much emotion and complications into the mix for a living together situation to be viable. That seems so obvious to me. I wonder why he can't see that? Perhaps because it's in his interests to move back in with you??
I'm sorry you find it hard to say no to him. Being thoughtful and accommodating the way that you are is a really wonderful trait. The trick is to extend that same caring and thoughtfulness to yourself, and making sure that your own needs are accommodated. Would it help if you wrote your ex a letter once he flies back? Sometimes it's easier to say these things in writing??
I do put in a lot of hours at work, but I also spend a lot of time at work here at PC
so I can't say that I work solidly. I should explain that I work with my husband. He has a small business. He designs and manufactures nature-themed jewelry. He's been doing it for over 30 years and he's really good at it. His business is a wholesale business, though we do have a retail website also. Anyhow, I do the web stuff, and accounting and general admin and some of the customer service. There are a few other employees. I have always had workaholic tendencies because I'm someone who tends to do things in extremes.
I was a major workaholic in my other job, before I got married and moved over here. I can't honestly imagine having a "proper job" anymore. My confidence is very low. Working with hubby is, of course, real work, but it's very different from being out in the professional market place. When I look back at what I used to do work-wise, I wonder how I ever did it. I used to travel a lot with my job. Now just thinking about getting on a plane reduces me to a quivering heap. It's sad the way I have become so anxiety-ridden. In retrospect it was probably a mistake to start working with Mike. He actually encouraged me to look for a job elsewhere (outside of his business) in the field that I used to work in. He was concerned that this very thing might happen, namely that I would lose my independence and confidence. It would have been better for my confidence if I had worked elsewhere. I definitely see that now. But at the time, I wanted to be close to him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!!! On the other hand, I'm also really lucky to have this work situation now because it's so flexible and I take our dogs to work with us and it's really a good deal in a lot of ways. Just, my confidence is so low and I don't interact with people much in my current work. I do miss the independence I used to have when I had my own career, but it is unthinkable now to go back to anything like that.
Well, sorry to ramble on. I will end this tome for now!!! Thanks for asking. I hope you're having a good day (((((((((ss))))))))))
