I understand completely the dilemma of emotional immaturity.I also have to say that you possess a magnificent insight as to why you are functioning this way...its cause,its effects.I have to believe that puts you in the driver seat with a learning permit...closer to driving than many.

Quote: "It comes from a combination of my overprotective parents and being bullied in school; humiliated, ignored and insulted by people who claimed to be my friends. I don't think they were actually aware of how hurt I got by their behavior, and I never told them that. I tend to keep things and emotions for myself.I suppose we are not all equally able to get over it."

Completely on target.

Being dissatisfied with the results of :

Quote: "I keep my fears and dilemmas to myself and everybody thinks I am cheery and wonderful all the time."

I have to ask...why not communicate the things you think/feel?What is the true risk?With bosses,teachers,co-workers...I see the difficulty...(In relationships...I HAVE the difficulty...)but reading your words...and standing outside me...I am asking........

What is the difficulty...in this context?That of friendships.What is the worse that can happen if you make a statement like the following...? :"I very much enjoy ______ about you,and I feel good that we are _______together.You are important to me,so I want you to know,when you ______,I feel_________."

The communication;in this context,is not condemning toward a friend.It is not attacking.But you will get two basic sorts of responses.Either...remorselessness...because they are not empathizing with your feelings,or a ..."Wow,I had no idea I came off like that,or,I had no idea you were feeling that way.".

But,expressing your feelings will help you know where things stand and help those who know you...know you better.

To begin with ...know your self.Find out what your values are.What is your definition of a 'good' friend?Will you desire a friend who can forgive you for a 'regrettable moment?' What defines a 'regrettable moment' for you...and what behaviors are 'deal breakers' in friendships/personal relationships?Deal-breakers being...things you feel are absolute lines drawn between what you'll accept from a fellow human...and things from which there's no way to go back to friendship.

Do you have 'double-standards'?I mean to ask...are the guidelines you behave under different for you than those you have for your friendships?What mistakes might you make...and hope to be forgiven for?What mistakes would you expect to break your 'friends' desire to remain your friend?Try to hold the same values/standards for yourself,that you expect from others.Be constant.It will bring you a sense of security that you 'know yourself'.

Another point is to allow yourself the room to be young...you are 22...socially,and in every other way,as a human,we are constantly growing emotionally ...even fluctuating,depending on circumstance,wellness,stress...etc.As you age ,I expect you will settle into knowing you better and behaving from an expected stance.For 22...I find you to be waaaaaaaaay more together than any 22 year old I have heard speak!

Where did the jealousy come from?I would imagine it comes from a perceived threat,a threat that the other may matter more than you...or somehow be better than you in some way.I think it's like me having three sons.(which I have).But,of the three I have...I love different sets of factors with each one.One is highly intelligent,and intense.Another is mysterious,studious,and spiritual,and the other is an artist,nearly without boundaries...a poetic,joker & lover of all the arts.My moments with each can vary..but can't be compared.One can't replace the other.Maybe I fit better in some ways...but still.I love them all uniquely,individually.

My point is,as you move through life,and understand you and how you relate to others better...you'll evolve to be comfortable being good enough that you can be important even in a group.

Quote: "But because I don't know how to confront people and I was already emotionally involved-I decided to be all passive aggressive about it. I thought Lisa would eventually figure out she was hurting me"

How did that work out for you?What might have been another option?

Quote:
"She was going to a concert-the concert we discussed going to together. She was going with her new friends and she didn't even invite me. I got really upset and depressed and decided very childishly I should ignore her."
She also said a real friend would understand she was busy with her studies. I told her that in two weeks time she could have found time for one coffee or one lunch-especially since we live minutes away from each other and go to same Uni and eat at the same place every single day"

Gosh,you sound like me.lol...I am 43...might speaking to her about it have changed anything she did?We can only ever control ourselves...and it may be that most often,things don't pan out as we want...but,we can feel ok knowing WE did the right thing.Frankly my feelings would have been hurt by this too.Perhaps this person is poorly matched to be a close friend?

Quote: "I said I didn't need people in my life who so obviously didn't want to be my friends. It was late and we started arguing through FB messages *stupid I know* and she had an excuse for every single thing I called her on."

....sounds madness making,sounds immature on her part....if it was all excuses...or was it that she was communicating to you what the thoughts were behind her actions?

Quote: "I tried conveying to her how hurt I was by her behavior and all I got was her ironic and defensive attitude."

Another frustration making behavior...just finding her to be a bit young minded.

Quote: "I told her she could have asked me in addition to her friends so she wouldn't have risked anything. Then she said they bought the tickets in a hurry and it made all the sense of the world to her to go with people she saw every day. She also said a real friend would understand she was busy with her studies."

(That'd feel demeaning & manipulative to me.Is there a websters dictionary definition of "real-friend"...what is that?If we are all unique...then,'real friend' doesn't fit into a little box.)

Quote: "I told her that in two weeks time she could have found time for one coffee or one lunch-especially since we live minutes away from each other and go to same Uni and eat at the same place every single day-especially since just a week ago she was saying very different things about our friendship and us not leaving each other for new people."

Absolutely agreed.She certainly would have found time,had she made you any priority.

Quote: "She wasn't ready to admit to anything and I was too busy victimizing myself.

Again,so astute,mature.You are very ahead of your age.

Quote: "So at one point I just wished her a happy life and deleted her off of my FB."

Well...sometimes enough is enough.

Quote: "She also said there was a deep connection between Lisa and me and that we both got really hurt."

Even if she was right...the fact remains that her track record is that of someone who can really leave you hanging,and not address things maturely as she subsequently did ...again.

Quote: "I still find myself dwelling on the friendship, missing those two to three weeks of us hanging out, wandering how badly I hurt somebody i cared about."

....I really think you behaved conscientiously and made a huge effort.You obviously possess a very loving spirit.

Quote: "She did not have to be so nice and invested and say all those things and at the end of the day she didn't have to ignore me to that point."

I would say that this is the major 'fault-line' with her...and I can't see it changing in the nearest bit of the future,sadly.

Quote: "My friends tell me I am simply emotionally immature and that I will grow out of it."

Sorry...but,I disagree with your friends.You may think and feel way more than them...but,dam...you're way more mature than me...lol.

Quote:"In order to do that in this particular situation-I would like to know what happened with Lisa."

....and that,my dear,is why I think you are mature!

Quote: "She unfortunately does not speak to me anymore. I still do not understand her behavior."

Let the past predict the future...know your worth...try to let go.It is an emotional Merry-go-round.



Wolf.
p.s....yes,the fact that I wrote the word Quote: a million and 1/2 X ,in retrospect...looks really odd....haha