I feel numbed out and so sad at the very same time... I can't write or be creative in any other way right now. All the crap is stuck inside of me.
I feel lost... empty... like I could just lay down and fade away... No energy left... Where am I? Who am I? What is real... what is not? I feel so lonely and still I feel like hiding away from people... even those I know care about me.

My daughter is so hard to handle. My son was good to be around this weekend. We were alone all Saturday and that was really nice. But it takes a lot out of me being with him... so intense... you have to have a sharp mind all the time.

I'm going to see a friend a few weeks from now... but that makes me feel selfish leaving everything behind... even though I know I need it. Right now it seem so far away though. I need a break NOW! Saying that makes me feel terrible! I feel like a real s**t mom!

Sorry!