The last two sessions have been really intense and scary for me and it's getting harder and harder to get through the week between sessions (lots of feelings and stuff from the past coming up). This is exactly what is happening to me. The week drags so slowly that I can hardly bear it.

I don't want to become dependent on her. I struggled with this idea until about a week ago. It finally dawned on me with T's help that when we're in a place of pain and suffering, it is o.k. and it is GOOD to have someone to depend on. Once we're strong, we won't need it anymore.

I hate that she is the only person in my life at the moment who knows what is going on with me and that I can talk to about any of this stuff.Oh, yes, I'm in the same boat. And so, only 50 minutes a week to share my authentic feelings. But I guess, right now anyway, I really don't want anyone else to know. They would be people involved in my life and they wouldn't understand and wouldn't be able to 'hear' me nor help me.

I feel even more alone than I did before I started therapy (again) when all this stuff I'd pushed away wasn't bothering me much. Yes, I can relate. So, I'm trying harder to connect with old acquaintances - not to share my deepest stuff but just to have some human contact.

It's not like I can just call her when I'm having a bad day and talk to her for half an hour like I would do with a friend - if I had any.This is where PC has been very helpful.Access the connections you can make here.

The relationship is so limited and while I appreciate her support during the time I'm with her I'm really struggling with the fact that I have to cope all on my own for the rest of the week. Yep, it's agony waiting a week. PC helps, believe me.

I have a session tomorrow and I can feel myself wanting to really pull away and shut down but there's so much going on at the moment that I know if I do that it won't be good for me. I have thought the same thing. Why put myself through this misery? But, I've realized that finally I really really want to resolve my issues and if I don't go through the fire, it won't happen and I'll live the rest of my life with this stuff hanging over me.

I don't know how to find the balance between accepting and taking in the one hour a week of support from her and then coping alone the rest of the week without falling apart inbetween sessions or shutting down in session. Or just quitting altogether maybe. Hang in there - it's tough but the balance will come.