Rainbow,

I think I was angry, but I'm not sure who i was angry at. Maybe at my t and my mom, but also at myself, for having this attachment problem in the first place!! I really hate when these episodes of neediness come over me -- it is SOOOOOOO not the way my parents have ever taught me to be. They have always expected me to be strong, confident, deal with things myself, be always happy, successful, etc. So whenever i get in touch with that hurt child part of me, i have a conflicting part of myself that is very shaming toward myself! So i was mad at me too.

Yeah, i'm sad that t can't be a mom to me. And I'm sad that my mom doesn't treat me more like t does. My mom has never seemed very interested in knowing about the inner part of me, doesn't ask questions to find out how i feel about stuff, rarely compliments anything I do. She can be a fun person, and she'll spend time with me shopping and such. But the focus is almost always on her and her life, her abilities and successess, etc. I feel like the role i play in our relationship is as her cheerleader. But it seems that nobody in my family notices me or what i do. So maybe because t has shown such an interest in me, it has made me feel so grateful that i've gotten really attached to her, probably too much. Even though it's "clinical," it feels like nobody else has ever cared about me as much as t. But I'm just wanting too much from t, i've been so empty for caring like she gives me for so long, that it feels so good and i want to keep it and t. But she just can't be everything i want her to be in my life. . .and it's sad.