Sounds like you just need to put all of these things in perspective Peaches and accept them.

Your mom didn't and won't give you what you need but you can develop a life for yourself where you have people in it who will give you what you need, including yourself. So this would entail processing in therapy what happened between you and your mom (letting out the feelings) and grieving it too. Moving on will require you building up a supportive life for yourself so that you have others besides T.

It seems that you are stuck in between all of this?