Well...

There is a void inside of myself. A deep feeling that just haunts me.

I try to avoid feeling that emptiness through keeping myself busy. I avoid being alone because that emptiness becomes larger without distractions.

I have learned that my emptiness is inside of me. It's there whether I am with my daughters, my ex-hub, current bf, or current friends. It follows me wherever I go. For a while, I would quickly end a relationship to escape that feeling (thinking that the relationship was the cause). But, I can now see that the feeling comes from me.

I typically pull back when the emptiness becomes intense. From there, it works best to go work out. There are times, however, when that isn't a realistic option for me. Then, I clean. I try to work on word searches. In desperation, I drink a couple of beers to get me into a different state of mind. That works pretty well for me. I try not to do the last at all, but I am sometimes weak. Too weak to make myself simply feel the emotions and let them pass.