SS, your comments really hit home...

"...my inablity to get a grip is because I am weakwilled or something even worse".

I lay this trip on myself. If I were stronger in character, smarter, etc., I'd have solved my problems and would have the things that others have. I scarcely realize how brutal I am to myself. I'd never treat someone else that way.

"I hate that I have to break away to be alone to destress while others continue socializing. I hate a lot of the limitations in my life that the long list of dysfunctions that have attached themselves to me".

I want to be a different person than I am. I know that there's a lot of good in me, yet, I wish that I could be extroverted, enthusiastic about life, people, etc., instead of overwhelmed, afraid of risk-taking, socially anxious, terrible self-esteem, and utterly stuck for years in the same place.

I had to play my MP3 player with ear buds today for hours, because I couldn't stand hearing the droning chorus in my head. There's an online discussion forum for those with this condition at Bryn Mar College, and some people actually enjoy the continual music they hear in their head, and use it creatively. I just want to put a bullet through my head. (I won't)