(((((((((((((Splintered)))))))))))))))))

I experienced that same thing when I started therapy. I think it was partly because so many big feelings and memories were coming up, and it was SO HARD to be alone with them during the week. There was no way I could tell anyone else in my life about this stuff, so I was stuck with it. It was really really hard.

And I think part of it was being in this relationship where someone was listening to me, paying attention to me, believing me, caring for me made me really FEEL how much I had never had that in my life before. So a lot of the loneliness was OLD loneliness, kind of finally FEELING the absence of all of that in my life up until that point. It really, REALLY hurt.

After maybe a month of once a week therapy, I started seeing T twice a week and we just continued that way (for the most part) for over three years. Adding the extra session REALLY helped. It gave me some stability during a really unstable time, and it just made the whole thing feel safer and a little more bearable.

It really won't feel this bad forever. I am taking a break from T right now, MY choice, and I'm fine. I miss T, but it's not the desperate loneliness of early therapy. I've learned to connect with people by connecting with T, and I've learned to be nice to myself by watching T be nice to me. I know it hurts SO much at the beginning, but it's so worth it in the end.

Lots of ((((((hugs))))) to you. I know it's really, really hard.