Thank you all so, so much for replying. I was a little worried no-one would respond.

Granite - thank you for the warm welcome

Suratji - I'm sorry that you're also going through the interminably long week thing - people who think life is passing by too quickly should definitely think about starting therapy! I'm struggling with the idea of becoming dependent on her I think mostly because I hate feeling dependent on someone who I can't have a normal relationship with. I can't see her again now until next tuesday, I can't call her and have a chat if I'm having a bad day - well I can call but I wouldn't think she would talk to me for more than a few minutes. It sucks to be dependent on someone you have such a limited relationship with. Although I'm glad you've reached the place of feeling good about depending on your t - I agree it's healthy and ok, just wish it wasn't so painful. Like you I don't want to live the rest of my life with all this stuff hanging over me so I guess I'll just keep going and try my best to accept the support my t does give me. And post here inbetween sessions

Sannah - thanks. Yeah I guess it is normal for this to happen when you start therapy. I think I'm going to have to work through a lot of my issues before I can find people outside of t to lean on and talk to - which is kind of back to front but then so is life sometimes

((((Chronic)))) thanks, hugs back. Of course I saw t today and didn't talk about it at all. A big part of me wants to keep up this front of I don't need anyone, especially you. It's really nice to come here and have people who understand though. I'm sorry you're going through this as well.

Treehouse - thank you . Your first sentence pretty much summed up how it has been for me epsecially over the last few weeks - lots of big feeling and memories coming up and no-one in real life to turn to (although of course I'm refusing to tell t what these memories are anyway!). I think you're right about a lot of it being old loneliness - it's easier not to think about it and be in denial about how alone I've really been feeling when I haven't had all this old stuff coming back to haunt me. After next week my t is going to be away for 3 weeks (which means 4 weeks from next session to the one after) and I think that is really making these feelings so much more intense right now. It will be the first holiday she's had since things have gotten really difficult for me. It's good to hear that this gets better and that it's worth the pain - might need you to remind me of that again sometime

Seshat - thanks for the welcome and the good vibes It's nice to have people who relate although I'm sorry you're feeling this as well. Sending good vibes back your way.

PTSDlovemycats - thank you for the warm welcome I will try to have faith - I do have faith in my t, just maybe not therapy, or myself! Trust the process I guess!