He is considered "passively" suicidal...he wishes he was dead, he thinks about being dead, but has no plans or intent. The passive part is what disqualifies him from everything I've tried. His doctor and therapist are just as frustrated as I am. Too many kids need help and there are not enough beds so they are reserved for the most severe cases. This has been going on for more than a year, you'd think the duration alone would put him into a different category on the "needs help" scale. It is really burning me out. But I will keep going, because he is my son and I will never give up on him.

He is also homebound from his severe social anxiety, so the majority of the time it's him and me. I try to practice good self care, sometimes there are not enough hours in the day. I don't know how I will manage when I go back to work. My leave is almost up and I am out of extensions. The thought of working all night and managing his schoolwork and supporting him all day is too much to think about right now. And I have to fit in time for my eleven year old. There is simply not enough of me to go around!