Hey. That is... A hard one.

Sometimes people have different needs with respect to intimacy. So for some people having a good friend means having someone to talk to about their innermost thoughts and feelings while for other people having a good friend means having someone to throw a football around with.

and sometimes... one person wants to be closer, while another person wants a little more space.

i'm wondering whether something like that might be going on?

another thing that can happen... is that we tend to want what we can't have. or want what is inaccessible to us. people 'playing hard to get' well... i think that is typically a bit of a misunderstanding of the principle... and it is likely to backfire... but there is truth to it in the sense that if we see someone having fun in themselves (or with others) then we tend to want to join in whereas if we see them not having such a good time without us then we can feel a little constricted by them.

i really don't know... just kicking ideas around...

i'm wondering if what he means about friends... is that he is looking to have MORE friends. most of my flatmates are like that. they like to go around with a pack of friends. i'm not so much into packs. i'll do something with one or two of them at a time but they will ditch me for a pack of people playing cricket or having a party or something and... well... mostly i'd rather be by myself than get involved in that kind of thing (mostly because they are a bit younger and more into binge drinking and being fairly crass in general etc whereas they'll tone it down in a more individual situation).

i guess... I just accept that for what it is. and the upside is i don't have too much trouble saying 'nah i want to be by myself for a while' or even saying 'nah i'm going to visit another friend' if i don't want to hang out with them. i just accept that for what it is. and... if they are going to ditch me for other things... i try and sort out other stuff for me too so that that means i do the same thing with them... and the upshot of that seems to be that... the relationship is fairly equal in that sense... and... they don't come to think of me as a 'she'll be there as an emergency backstop for when other plans fall through' kind of person...

i'm wondering (about the food situation in particular)... that does seem fairly rude...
or thoughtless...
i'd call him on that.
'are you leaving? aren't you going to wait for me to finish so i can join you?'

maybe...

i guess i'd be thinking that your friendship is more important to you than it is to him. thats not to say that he doesn't like ya a whole bunch. thats just to say that he wants a more superficial friendship with a few more people too... and so... i guess i'd back off a bit.

and in time...

maybe talk to him.

dunno. not so good at the inter-personal thing myself...