There was a newly appointed usher at the church.
He was terribly worried that he wouldn't do his job well.

He helped one elderly lady down the aisle to where she normally sat on Sundays.
Someone else had taken the spot.

The new usher politely told the woman
"Marden me padam; this pie is occupewed;
May I sew you to another sheet?"

Yeah, yeah, corny; I know and nothing to all the other great stuff here on this thread; but I hadda contribute something!!!