my partner is really having a crisis day. it's unbelievably hard for me on days like this, and i really don't know what to do. i dont know what i can even try to do to help because it seems like everything i try doesn't get anywhere near helping.... it's just one thing after the next and it is the end of the world and i feel so paralyzed not knowing how to help in the least.

i want to explain some of the things i heard today from my partner in case someone, anyone has ANY advice on how to help de-escalate the crisis moment. ...it began with my partner's trouble getting ready to leave for school, then she couldn't find her gloves, and then she got upset, then broke her desk.... and so on and so on (this whole time i was at work and she was chatting with me to let me know what was up... and it just got worse...)

things she said in the middle of huge crisis moment today (the stuff in parentheses are my words/comments):

i never make it on time, i don't know why i ever pretend i will
everything is broken
i fail school
i fail life ("i fail" was repeated a LOT in the conversation)
i can't (so many "i can't"s!! "i can't do this", "i can't live like this")
i ruin everything
i'm not ok; i'm not going to be ok (another one said over and over)
i can't get my meds; they won't give me my meds; i don't get to have medical care; ...because i am bad
i am bad (again, over and over and over and over and over; and i really hate hearing it because i disagree so entirely)
i'm worthless
i'm never going to be anything
i am less than
i'm sorry ("i'm sorry for being bad"; "i'm sorry for failing"; "i'm sorry i ruin everything"; "i'm sorry i exist"; "i'm sorry i let you need me", i'm sorry over and over)
i'll lose points because i skip school like a loser (i don't understand this because i don't consider it skipping school when she has an illness and she won't make it to school because she is in crisis)
i will be in big trouble for missing class (i don't see how this could be true, she's in college)
it's ok if i get in trouble because i deserve it
i will be punished for it and i deserve the hurt
you don't make enough money to waste it on me
how can you not see that i am bad when everyone else knows it?
i am like a bag of bricks you are stuck carrying around, but i guess you like it and that just makes me sad for you (i REALLY hate it when she does things like this to twist my words. in these moments i just try to tell her how much i care about her and how important she is even when she doesn't feel that way, but then she takes it in and makes herself feel bad because she turns it into her fault that i like and care about her and she is a bad person for deceiving me)

i feel like she's sinking. i know i have been through something similar before, and i believe we will make it through this, but it's so hard to know that when all the stuff i hear from her is... .well, all this really terrible negative stuff. sometimes i am able to tell her how much i love her and try to counter her ideas with other thoughts... but today she just wouldn't listen. everything i said would just fuel her fire... and she fueled her own fire well enough.

i know it was a really bad time for her today. i am slightly worried about going home to see the damage. she had decided at some point during our conversation that she would take her meds that knock her out so she could sleep through the afternoon (i'm SO glad she did, otherwise i would worry all night). ugh. and on top of all this, it just sucks that i don't really have any friends to turn to irl to help me through this. ....oh, and i haven't seen my T in weeks because she suddenly broke her foot and needed emergency surgery and i haven't heard back from her since about when she will return to work. *sigh*

well here i go... leaving work to find out what's next.